And I ask myself…why is it that easy to express sadness and nostalgic feelings rather than moments related to pleasure and enjoyment?
I might believe it’s all about habits and familiar experiences that become dominant and very present in my mind.
It becomes kind of a comfort zone where you are able to transmit whatever comes to your head.
Obviously situations where suffer and pain are involved.
I recognize it; I feel it and would usually keep it and stay. Automatic reaction, facilitated physically and mentally.
Positive inner conversation
But at this point, this present so distant and different, I’d rather move forward. I’d rather take the challenge of going through unexplored paths.
Even if at the distance I can only visualize and feel a humid fog that captures colours and messes up shapes.
It creates new unknowns. It overwhelms me with new fears.
But these fears… they are somehow inspiring and encouraging.
I decide to leave behind a huge stone that’s been travelling with me since long ago.
I decide to become my own self.
Lighter and fresher I can feel now new forces, whether internal or external I really don’t know. They add up.
They create a positive acceleration towards some kind of change. Another one.
I know what joy feels like now.